Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

I arrived home Sunday night to.. well we’ll call it a photo shoot. I do a lot of these things, photo shoots, promotional events, hosting etc., and this one was a little different.

This was at home, on the landing, with a bedside lamp & a camera phone ¬†ūüôā (Well, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do!)

Since joining the project, he has been…well.. obsessed¬†& over come with creative juices and is completely revamping things. (Side note: this has been quite effective in promoting the band!) Since I am the one closest to him, and I happen to be a model (of sorts,) he uses me to help in his endeavor. While these things have been directly related to the band, it has been fun to be the power couple creatively that we have spent years developing. With his band smarts, my hot friends, and our promotional creativity- we could probably rule the world.

Funny thing is though, while I like the attention in my life (Surprise Surprise,) I like that he gets the attention in his life. I’m not so sure we should be combining the two.

I don’t want to be the Yoko to his Lennon and while its better, I don’t want to be the Gwen Stefani¬†to his Gavin. How often do these entertainment power couples really work out?

  • Lucy & Ricky- Nope
  • Marilyn & Kennedy- (we’ll let that one go)
  • Yoko & Lennon- say goodbye to the band
  • Brangelina.. well they aren’t even married & they broke up his marriage
  • Diana & Charles- That ended before it really ended
  • Gwen & Gavin- Brief success regarding their breakup before we lost No Doubt
  • JLo& Ben- Resulted in Marc Anthony… nuff said.

 

Advertisements

I post a lot of stuff about working hard at having a happy relationship. Fact is- I want to kill him sometimes, and I know he wants to do the same to me. This has been especially true as of late, reminding me to bring our relationship back to a grass-roots tactic.

This transition into a new role has been challenging on both of, and the real world still exists outside the bright lights & merch booths. Fact is, I love the music these guys are producing and they are killing it locally (even heading out on a few stops in the region coming up.) The guys in the band are awesome as are the other girls behind them. But I contest it is even harder being the girlfriend to the new guy in the band than it is to be the new guy in the band (stay with me…)

He went to an audition, he killed it, they loved him.
 
I have to get the guys to like me.
I have to get the girls to like me.
I have to learn their music and lifestyle
PLUS-¬†I have to deal with a stressed out Drumboy because he’s afraid he’s being judged

(Newsflash- everyone freakin loves him!)

Dealing with an overly-packed¬†schedule for him, the stress of the new for both of us, my feeling neglected (girl thing,) and I dunno… I’ll add the heat- truth is, we’ve been at each other’s throats lately. (Oh, and there’s LIFE.. have I mention life doesn’t stop because you’re in a band?!)

I’m taking it back to the basics.

The Beatles said it- All we need is LOVE.

Remembering who we fell in love with, not Drumboy & Model- but actual People! We are People with real names, real feelings and real life happening outside of the industry we are involved in. Yes we spend a lot of time on the couch together unwinding and we listen to live music out at venues, but what happened to going to the movies, getting coffee on Sunday morning, or watching sports together? Oh ya, they were taken over by errands, music sessions, photo shoots, and promotions (gahh.. I miss Sunday night football/dinner/couch night!)

Stress is something that happens in everyone’s life but it is especially difficult to separate¬†ourselves from our roles when we consistently are playing a part for someone else. The two of us have been playing a role in each other’s lives for over 2 years, we can get through this, it is just important to remember which role is the real one. With real benefits, real longevity, and real LOVE.

So I took the night off from being a drummer’s bandaide last weekend, and I took my little cousin to see a group of bands I’d never heard of before. While I had never heard of any of them, I agreed because I remember how much fun I had during my first few concerts and I figured why not (see.. I do have a ‚ô•!)

To satisfy your intrigue, I went to see

Go Radio

Runner Runner

Valencia

Anarbor

& A Rocket to The Moon

(You’re probably making the same “huh” face I was!)

So I arrive at the location, a dingy, almost terrifying dive bar but again, I remember the gloriousness of going to my first concert without my parents, so I keep my head up and pretend its the coolest thing ever.

I look around upon entering and am immediately confused¬†whether I should be waiting in the ‘parents’ corner or if I belonged in the crowd with the other tweens. I decided I was still worthy of hangin¬†with the youngsters.. after all- I don’t have kids!

There were a few things I realized once the bands fired up and started playing their loud racket (*said in a crotchety old man’s voice)

* There is always ‘the cute one’ in every boy band.

*Young tweens will always scream at decibels¬†beyond dog’s hearing, and reach for the chance for said Rockstar to simply sweat on them.

* The jean jacket may never go out of style

* Boy Bands are some type of scientifically mutated phenomenon that will just continue to regenerate themselves in a mutated form of some sort (no really.. keep reading.)

There were a few exceptions in the day where 1 man could be good-looking enough to win over thousands of screaming, estrogen filled, puberty driven, jail bait (such as Elvis and who can ignore Beiber Fever!)

Most people have stated the first manufactured boy band credit belongs to the Monkees¬†back in the mid 60’s. However, Elvis came before them and who could ever forget Old Blue Eyes (Frank Sinatra for those to young to know.. google it!) In fact, there is just something about a Man on a Stage who sings about loving women that makes us loose¬†our minds to this day.. we can now vote, hold jobs, run Fortune 500 companies.. but a man and a mic.. WHEW- we lose it!

The funny thing is, maybe reading my blog about ACTUALLY being a relationship with one of these fine crooners¬†might change their mind and rather keep the posters on their walls and the men at arms length-¬†like I’ve said, it’s not for the faint of heart.

So looking back through history, I’d like to take a journey of boy bands. Be sure to submit your favorites that I’ve forgotten (and women, next time you see a boy band.. let loose and scream like you did when you were 15!)

Frank Sinatra– Crooner, Actor, Rat Packer, VEGAS ICON.. Old Blue Eyes could just ooze debonair and romantic.

MonkeesРA truly FABRICATED boy band, designed and molded to make us women swoon. They had a popular TV about them being a band  (although they never played their instruments,) which then led to the popularity and the patented Monkee Walk.

Elvis Presley– Who could forget the hip thrust and the Blue Suede Shoes?! If you don’t know who Elvis is.. you can just quit reading now and go shame yourself in the corner.)

Beatles– Again, the hair, the sound, the look, the BRITISH TAKEOVER.. if you don’t know who the Beatles are.. just stay in the corner to which I’ve already shamed you.

Jackson Five– Before Michael and Janet hit the world with Scream, the Jackson Five made women swoon over ABC and Little Bitty Pretty one!

We’ll skip ahead a bit to the ones that made me swoon my little ‚ô• out when I was just a wee one! (While other existed.. I’ve only got so many characters!)

NKOTB (New Kids on the Block)- STEP BY STEP (OOOOO¬†BABY…) ok.. you know you all did the SAME thing! Wielding¬†one awkward member, one actually talented, Marky¬†Mark, and one hell of a marketing team… NKOTB took over the United States in Early 90’s and are actually making a comeback as those of us who swooned the first time and looking to make our daughters and nieces do the same!

The 90’s saw a whole slew of pre-fab boy bands and they seems to have perfected the equation and could churn them out into little money-making dynamo’s (until one inevitably ends up in rehab, another knocks a girl up, and the others just can handle it anymore!)

Boyz II Men–¬†A staple for every first date and¬†every 6th grade dance..SWOON CITY.

BSB v. N’Sync– Wielding some of the greatest power in the United States in the late 90’s, these two bands could have started a Civil War in the US over who loved which band (because you can’t like both, I was¬†huge MMC fan,so I’ll let you decide which team I’m on!!) After they quit playin¬†games with our hearts, these boy bands went Bye bye bye..

Hanson, 98 Degrees, Five, O-Town, LFO,¬†and others attempted to make their mark MMMbop’in¬†and¬†girls of summer’d¬†their way to one hit wonderville (ok.. or at least one album.. but I really saw Trevor from O-Town slummin¬†it in Scottsdale basically getting girls to buy HIM drinks.. where’s Diddy when the money runs out?!)

However, it seems the genre has shifted from bubble gum pop to pretty punk bands! (I guess we like our guys with a little bit of edge!) Blink 182, Good Charlotte, Foo Fighters, Vayden, Hinder, Buck Cherry, and now going back a little lighter, we find ourselves at Go Radio, Runner Runner, and the Biebs…

Like I said.. they are a scientific regenerating disease these men are…

There is something to be said for going out and just letting go, but when music is your job- its not such an easy concept.

In the rare occassion that we get to go out to a show where he’s not playing in the band, I often find that we are posted up on a barstool, enjoying our beers and simply listening to the music. Everyone around us is pulling out their best dance moves- the lawn¬† mower, the window washer, the running man, the foxtrot and even the Dougie! Heck, they may even be making some pizza or dusting off their blue suede shoes.

So how is it that two people who love music so much are unable to let loose and just have fun?

You have to learn how to turn it off and get back to the heart and soul of music- it is a celebratory ritual- So CELEBRATE!

From the Gregorian chants of the early church, to the English Madrigals, well into Mozart, and the twentieth century’s Electric Slide,¬† and many others- Music is a sign of change, development, and event.

From Weddings, to Sporting Events, Church services, Birthday Parties, Holiday parties, you name it- we make a playlist for it. We celebrate our birthdays, get over our first love, socialize with friends, share our feelings, and exercise to music-its present everywhere we go, through generations, across ethnicities and religions, and over oceans to unite people.

The moral of the story is, remember the base and purpose of music and its ability to bring people together. Let go, get loose, and break it down out on the dance floor!

If you need some inspiration, hit up the clip below!

When I conceived this project, I did so with an anonymity that would permit full disclosure. Of course the purpose of my ramblings are to provide you with a chuckle amidst your everyday routine, however, I also want to be honest about everyday work of being a band aide. With that said, not every post will be fluffy bunnies, rainbows, and blueberries- I also promised to share the run-ins and the loneliness.

Given the fact that the perfect person doesn’t exist, it is simlple logic to say that the perfect relationship does not exist either.

While I’ve urged the message that being a band aide takes a certain kind of person, being the person dating the band aide (aka the band member,) also takes a special person.

Band aides are independent, we are friendly boisterous personalities, we are pretty ūüôā and we are often left alone in bars.

Ergo… boys in bars will talk to me, they will hit on me, and I will be bored so I will strike up a conversation (*Disclaimer: I always make a point of letting them know I’m a bandaide!*)

While this is happening, your bandboy has no choice but to watch, and there is nothing they can do about it. No matter the level of trust, or the number of times the same situation has gone down- eventually  it will strike a nerve.

But what do you do? Who is right? Is a Bandaide supposed to sit and be lonely and avoid contact with others? Is the bandboy supposed to feel nothing that time and time again his bandaide is approached by others,and others get to engage in time with your bandaide that you cannot?

Sitting by yourself is lonely- whether¬† you are the bandaide, or the band member. You are both sitting alone and it is important to remember this. You both must remember to discuss how you are feeling, and remember to be respectful of one another. Very easily tempers can fly, words can be exchaged, and this will increase with each drink you’re served (occupational hazard of Bandaides and bandmembers alike!)

Acknowledging you’re lonely sitting at the end of the bar listening to¬†a set for the 78th time is important.

However, acknowledging how lonely you’d be without your band member for every day he’s not playing- is far greater.

Back in my first post I mentioned the gross misuse of pick-up lines by men in bars today. My prime example happened about 6 to 8 months ago and has never been outdone through my years in bars. I was sitting in a corner (minding my own business) when I accidently locked eyes with a young man across the bar. I noticed him moving towards me and pretending to be involved on my phone and with my tall beer. He walks over and says,

I just have to ask you, where did you get those beautiful Green eyes?

What’s the problem you ask? My eyes are BLUE.. very very BLUE!!¬† We are not just talking baby blue or ice grey blue, crystal ocean BLUE they are.¬† Some people have said, maybe he was colored blind- then why chooose a line about color?!

While this is the most famous utterance I have yet heard there have been many others:

How beautiful I am

How they would never leave me alone at the bar

Can they buy me a drink

Which guy in the band am I dating

Boooorrrrrriiiinnnngggg! (not that if they were any good I would go, but gimme a break!) Do you know how Drumboy won me over? By saying HI! Introducting himself, and sharing conversation over a drink (which if I recall I bought my own- he didn’t try to buy me on the first try.) Really all I’m trying to say guys is- just be normal! Strike up a genuine conversation, and if you find out I’m dating someone, don’t put them down as a means to get on my good side!

And whatever you do- don’t listen to any of these guides!

http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-a-Girl

http://www.artofseductions.com/how-to-pick-up-girls/

http://www.pickupguide.com/

During a recent discussion with some guys at my work (I think they said they were from Florida-¬†what up guys! ūüôā our initial conversation kind of offended me- here’s what went down.

Them: So you’re dating the drummer huh-

Me: Yep!

Them: We’re curious, why the drummer? That’s not very sexy? They are¬† the bottom of the band hierarchy-

Me- OUCH!

This then peaked my interest and started a pretty interesting conversation, which- much like this blog, digressed into many different directions! However, the band hierarchy as it was described is the following:

For those of you that must know, most lead singers I know are complete man-whores (aka, not good manfriend¬†material!) I’ve never had a problem with a guitarist, but they always seem a little reserved to me- not good for my intrusive personality. As for why the Drummer?!?!- Have you ever seen their arms & shoulders?- YES PLEASE!

So I forgo arguing the band hierarchy any further. (For the Record- while I agree the voice of the band is what most people recognize and know- unless they are developing a one man acapella group- they need the band!)

Moving from this conversation, we started talking about the recognition factor- and they dared me to name some famous drummers. While I knew some FANTASTIC ones like Tommy Lee, Travis Barker, Ringo, and even Phil Collins; many names escaped my mind.

With that said- let me take you on a journey of the worlds best drummers- the ones that give you a beat to tap to.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

I’m going to start with one badass chick- watched her for the first time the other day:

Cindy Blackman: Drummer for Lenny Kravitz & her own project

Danny Carey- TOOL

Lars Ulrich: Metallica

Sheila E: Marvin Gaye, Lionel Richie, Diana Ross, Prince – Another Chick Representin’

Keith Moon: The Who (duh!)

Tommy Lee: Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx, Rob Zombie, and more

Dave Grohl: Foo Figthers, Nirvana, etc

Simon Phillips: Mick Jagger, Whitesnake, Judas Priest

Meg White- White Stripes!!!

If that doesn’t open your eyes, check out this awesome kid on the drums.. at least you’re go “awwww” for the day-

While getting prepared for tonight’s¬†festivities (cover band at a decent bar if you must know,) I was texting my girlfriend for company and she asked me a pretty standard question (though she thought it was silly.)

What do you usually wear when you go to his gigs?

My response was, “I’m usually pretty lazy, don’t get dressed up anymore.”

Well, this got my little wheels turning!

While its true, I look great in a good pair of jeans a plain colored tank top or fitted T-shirt and a statement making pair of shoes-¬†my man deserves better than this. HOWEVER, why must I fuss over everything I wear out when I am already spoken for? (By now you’re wondering what this has to do with being a Bandaide, stay with me-¬†I’m getting there.) While many are saying that even though I am spoken for I should still get dolled up for my man, I testify that there is a different reason.

It is the duty of the band aide to look amazing while being an ambassador of the band in the bar!

Just because I am at the bar spoken for (proudly!) it doesn’t mean that others are. They are there because this is where they choose to spend their hard-earned¬†money on their night out-¬†and I must honor that. These people could go to any bar in town, but they chose this one. They could listen to another band in town, but they chose this one. (In fact I myself could be at another band’s gig tonight!) Realizing that the people of the bar are the reason I have a band to be an aide to, makes me change my tune a little! I say break out the sparkle, the pizzazz, the skinny jeans and your highest heels! (P.S. I’ll take these in a size 8 if anyone has $2800 to spare!)

On a further note, prior to realizing I’m bringing sexy back tonight,¬†¬†I was originally excited about this bar’s menu! When I was told where the gig is, my first response was,

¬†“Oh YES! They have the best pretzels!”

Now I know what you’re thinking… pretzels? But they really are life changing. This was the first time I was out at a bar and saw baked soft pretzels with dipping sauces on the menu- more bars really need to embrace this idea! But once again I’m rambling, so I will get to the point,

**The Subculture of  Bar Food**

Think to yourself right now the top five foods you always see at a bar-

  1. Chicken Wings (usually claiming to be the hottest in the world!)
  2. French Fries
  3. Some form of chips and cheese, salsa, cheese based dip, nachos etc.
  4. Breaded and deep friend cheese, zucchini, onions, and anything else they can throw in the oil
  5. Hamburgers

Pretty much everything here is fried (with the exception of hamburgers which usually come with french fries!) Who started the evolution of¬† frying everything in grease¬†and serving it at midnight? In correlation with the first part of this post, how is anyone supposed to bring sexy back when you’re having fried food waived in your face and you’ve got wing sauce trailing up to your nose? I submit- not sexy!

See the excitement over the pretzels?

Break, dip, and pop in your mouth in one cute motion! (Not so bad on the waistline either!)

To read more on the subculture of bar food check out some of the links below-¬†and next time you’re out play a fun little game called “Find the not fried!” and congratulate those bars who are going rogue on their menu!

Bar Food Paradise: http://www.travelchannel.com/Places_Trips/Travel_Ideas/Food_And_Drink/Food/Bar_Food_Paradise

Life in America: Immigrants guide, Bar Food : http://www.lifeintheusa.com/food/barfood.htm

Man V. Food: Mount Nacheesmo: http://www.travelchannel.com/travelchannel/TV_Shows/Man_V_Food/Video/Climb_Mount_Nacheesmo

French Fry Heaven: http://www.foodnetwork.com/videos/french-fry-heaven/1757.html

Definitions:

Urban Dictionary: A young woman, often under age, who seeks to achieve status by having sex with rock musicians, roadies, security, and other band-related guys. See Suzy Creamcheese.

(I didn’t dare check what Suzy Creamcheese meant.. can’t be anything good)

WiseGEEK: A groupie is generally considered an avid, often female, fan of a band or musical performer. The term derives from the female attaching herself to a group, the band. While the band is the group, the female is the groupie. Naturally, not all fans are groupies, and not all groupies are females. Further, there are now groupies of sports teams or players, actors, and oddly enough, high profile criminals.

Wikipedia: A groupie is a person who seeks emotional and sexual intimacy with a musician or other celebrity. “Groupie” is derived from group in reference to a musical group, but the word is also used in a more general sense, especially in casual conversation

So here’s the thing about Groupies, they are a fact of life when it comes to a band. I have seen groupies for headlining bands, local cover bands, national cover bands, and local original rock stars. I have seen groupies show up at major  entertainment venues and I’ve seen them show up to the dive bar down the street that holds 50 people.

Oh, and they come in all shapes in sizes. Short, tall, chubby, anorexic, faked out, au natural, blonde, brunette, Mexican, German, young and old, you name it- there’s a groupie. Another piece of advice, they are normally drugged out or at the very least drunk- so watch for crazies.

Distinguishing a fan or innocent bystander from a groupie is a skill that needs to be harvested and nurtured in order to keep you from going crazy. As a band aide you have two choices, you can sit back and let the jealousy destroy you and your relationship; or you can realize they come with the territory and there is a reason they are a groupie while you’re a band aide. (Obviously the answer is there is no choice- or you won’t last long as a band aide.) Just as with any relationship, jealousy is a fruit that will destroy you and trust is the most important tool to maintain. In fact, let’s look at it a different way; your man is so fabulous they can’t help but be enamored by him and that is something you can relish when you have him in your bed. The best tool you can have to deal with groupies is to maintain communication within your relationship. If you rock star stops to talk to long to someone, have a secret signal with each other. Remind him to lock eyes with you for just a second, even from across a crowded bar. Plan on meeting during the second break in a secluded corner to sneak a quick kiss, or just have a routine to wind down and reconnect after the show- taking a dip in the hot tub or joining the drunks at Denny’s are some of my favorites.

But Remember!!- Your man is working; you need to let him do his thing and maintain the bands image and integrity. After all, these innocent fans or raving mad groupies are the reason he’s getting paid to be there in the first place. Let him work it.

Enough with that relationship business, let’s get back to the groupies.

Groupies were most in their element in the late 1960‚Äôs and 1970‚Äôs- the rock & roll era. Mick Jagger, Led Zepplin, Jim Morrison, Jimi¬†Hendrix, John Lennon, you name em, there were groupies who serviced them. The funny thing is, America kind of puts groupies in a different category than your everyday ‚Äėeasy‚Äô women. It is almost as if we have idolized them in their own right (I mean who wouldn‚Äôt, look who these women ran with!) It is one of the beautiful things in American double standards, but I‚Äôm getting off track.

This brings me to so-called¬†modern¬†groupies-¬†I‚Äôm disappointed in what the art form has become. I‚Äôd rather refer to them as gold diggers. Self-proclaimed sports groupies, women of rap, current rock groupies and even political aficionados have diluted the original purpose of being a groupie into something far more scandalous. Original rock groupies main high was being around those who were famous just to be around their greatness. They wanted¬†to be a part of their life- even if just for an hour. They respected the art and the artist and¬† wanted to party and possibly have sex with them. Todays ‚Äėgroupies‚Äô (I shudder to refer to them as such,) are all about the money, the shoes, the trips, and eventually getting child support for the next 18 years.

With that said-¬†let’s pay homage to the beauty that was the original Groupie art form- (Warning: Language & Content)

src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/OZYwa3JcuQ8?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” allowscriptaccess=”always” allowfullscreen=”true” width=”480″ height=”385″>

Links:

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-groupie.htm

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=groupie

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupie

At a recent show I was discussing with a fellow band aide some of the realities we’ve learned over the year(s). That said, there are some simple facts about dating someone in a band you need to know:

1-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† If you never played an instrument in your life (and clarinet in 7th grade band for one semester doesn’t count,) you will learn more about set up, break down, amps, cables, mic stands, guitar picks, set lists, drum kits, recording‚Ķ.. than you ever wanted, needed, or cared to know.

2-      Groupies exist. Male, female, young, old, cover band or headliner- Groupies Exist

3-      The songs all sound the same after a while. You could hear your favorite song being played backwards and in Latin and you won’t realize something’s awry. They can change the order of the set, they can change the actual set, they can even change the genre of music they are playing- it all becomes the same after a while.

4-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† It‚Äôs not for the dependent. You will spend a lot of time alone. You will spend a lot of weekends at the end of a bar waiting for them to take a break so you get 5 mins of face time, and you will do it willingly and happily. More often than not you won’t even get those 5 minutes during the break, (they need to pee eventually!) and if you do, it will probably be taking shots with them at the bar before they go back on.

5-      It’s not for the Anti-social. Hand in hand with #4, because you are alone, people will approach you. They will think you’re single. They will try to pick you up and they will use really bad pick-up lines (more on this topic later!)

6-      You will learn to pace yourself. You are usually at the venue for 4 hours give or take. You are there earlier than everyone else for set up, and you are the usually the last ones to leave (after breakdown.) You learn to control the speed in which you check your Facebook and email accounts, the pace at which you people watch and even the pace at which you visit the powder room (you walk slower, pee slower, and check your lip gloss at least twice.)

7-      Oh, you’ll also learn to pace your alcohol consumption… because it will be plentiful. Nuff said-

8-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Forget being an early bird or morning person… Scratch that-¬†you will still get up early, but its undoubted you went to bed just 4 hours ago and are still trying to balance life. You will live off of coffee and energy drinks and you will never have a set schedule. Also remember that the world does not change its schedule when you do-¬†breakfast still ends at 10 a.m. at most places so if you want breakfast on Sunday morning at noon (the only day you get to sleep in) you will have to go somewhere that serves breakfast all day- McDonald’s is not one of them.

9-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Your ear will tune to the instrument your significant other plays. Everything else will be white noise around it, and it will change the way you hear everything. You will be listening to Taylor Swifts new album with your girlfriend and while she’s belting out the words to the latest pop hit and you will¬†be thinking, the drum track on this song¬†is awesome!

10-   You will have the time of your life-  if you can handle it.