Posts Tagged ‘Life Lesson’

I arrived home Sunday night to.. well we’ll call it a photo shoot. I do a lot of these things, photo shoots, promotional events, hosting etc., and this one was a little different.

This was at home, on the landing, with a bedside lamp & a camera phone ¬†ūüôā (Well, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do!)

Since joining the project, he has been…well.. obsessed¬†& over come with creative juices and is completely revamping things. (Side note: this has been quite effective in promoting the band!) Since I am the one closest to him, and I happen to be a model (of sorts,) he uses me to help in his endeavor. While these things have been directly related to the band, it has been fun to be the power couple creatively that we have spent years developing. With his band smarts, my hot friends, and our promotional creativity- we could probably rule the world.

Funny thing is though, while I like the attention in my life (Surprise Surprise,) I like that he gets the attention in his life. I’m not so sure we should be combining the two.

I don’t want to be the Yoko to his Lennon and while its better, I don’t want to be the Gwen Stefani¬†to his Gavin. How often do these entertainment power couples really work out?

  • Lucy & Ricky- Nope
  • Marilyn & Kennedy- (we’ll let that one go)
  • Yoko & Lennon- say goodbye to the band
  • Brangelina.. well they aren’t even married & they broke up his marriage
  • Diana & Charles- That ended before it really ended
  • Gwen & Gavin- Brief success regarding their breakup before we lost No Doubt
  • JLo& Ben- Resulted in Marc Anthony… nuff said.

 

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I post a lot of stuff about working hard at having a happy relationship. Fact is- I want to kill him sometimes, and I know he wants to do the same to me. This has been especially true as of late, reminding me to bring our relationship back to a grass-roots tactic.

This transition into a new role has been challenging on both of, and the real world still exists outside the bright lights & merch booths. Fact is, I love the music these guys are producing and they are killing it locally (even heading out on a few stops in the region coming up.) The guys in the band are awesome as are the other girls behind them. But I contest it is even harder being the girlfriend to the new guy in the band than it is to be the new guy in the band (stay with me…)

He went to an audition, he killed it, they loved him.
 
I have to get the guys to like me.
I have to get the girls to like me.
I have to learn their music and lifestyle
PLUS-¬†I have to deal with a stressed out Drumboy because he’s afraid he’s being judged

(Newsflash- everyone freakin loves him!)

Dealing with an overly-packed¬†schedule for him, the stress of the new for both of us, my feeling neglected (girl thing,) and I dunno… I’ll add the heat- truth is, we’ve been at each other’s throats lately. (Oh, and there’s LIFE.. have I mention life doesn’t stop because you’re in a band?!)

I’m taking it back to the basics.

The Beatles said it- All we need is LOVE.

Remembering who we fell in love with, not Drumboy & Model- but actual People! We are People with real names, real feelings and real life happening outside of the industry we are involved in. Yes we spend a lot of time on the couch together unwinding and we listen to live music out at venues, but what happened to going to the movies, getting coffee on Sunday morning, or watching sports together? Oh ya, they were taken over by errands, music sessions, photo shoots, and promotions (gahh.. I miss Sunday night football/dinner/couch night!)

Stress is something that happens in everyone’s life but it is especially difficult to separate¬†ourselves from our roles when we consistently are playing a part for someone else. The two of us have been playing a role in each other’s lives for over 2 years, we can get through this, it is just important to remember which role is the real one. With real benefits, real longevity, and real LOVE.

When I conceived this project, I did so with an anonymity that would permit full disclosure. Of course the purpose of my ramblings are to provide you with a chuckle amidst your everyday routine, however, I also want to be honest about everyday work of being a band aide. With that said, not every post will be fluffy bunnies, rainbows, and blueberries- I also promised to share the run-ins and the loneliness.

Given the fact that the perfect person doesn’t exist, it is simlple logic to say that the perfect relationship does not exist either.

While I’ve urged the message that being a band aide takes a certain kind of person, being the person dating the band aide (aka the band member,) also takes a special person.

Band aides are independent, we are friendly boisterous personalities, we are pretty ūüôā and we are often left alone in bars.

Ergo… boys in bars will talk to me, they will hit on me, and I will be bored so I will strike up a conversation (*Disclaimer: I always make a point of letting them know I’m a bandaide!*)

While this is happening, your bandboy has no choice but to watch, and there is nothing they can do about it. No matter the level of trust, or the number of times the same situation has gone down- eventually  it will strike a nerve.

But what do you do? Who is right? Is a Bandaide supposed to sit and be lonely and avoid contact with others? Is the bandboy supposed to feel nothing that time and time again his bandaide is approached by others,and others get to engage in time with your bandaide that you cannot?

Sitting by yourself is lonely- whether¬† you are the bandaide, or the band member. You are both sitting alone and it is important to remember this. You both must remember to discuss how you are feeling, and remember to be respectful of one another. Very easily tempers can fly, words can be exchaged, and this will increase with each drink you’re served (occupational hazard of Bandaides and bandmembers alike!)

Acknowledging you’re lonely sitting at the end of the bar listening to¬†a set for the 78th time is important.

However, acknowledging how lonely you’d be without your band member for every day he’s not playing- is far greater.

Back in my first post I mentioned the gross misuse of pick-up lines by men in bars today. My prime example happened about 6 to 8 months ago and has never been outdone through my years in bars. I was sitting in a corner (minding my own business) when I accidently locked eyes with a young man across the bar. I noticed him moving towards me and pretending to be involved on my phone and with my tall beer. He walks over and says,

I just have to ask you, where did you get those beautiful Green eyes?

What’s the problem you ask? My eyes are BLUE.. very very BLUE!!¬† We are not just talking baby blue or ice grey blue, crystal ocean BLUE they are.¬† Some people have said, maybe he was colored blind- then why chooose a line about color?!

While this is the most famous utterance I have yet heard there have been many others:

How beautiful I am

How they would never leave me alone at the bar

Can they buy me a drink

Which guy in the band am I dating

Boooorrrrrriiiinnnngggg! (not that if they were any good I would go, but gimme a break!) Do you know how Drumboy won me over? By saying HI! Introducting himself, and sharing conversation over a drink (which if I recall I bought my own- he didn’t try to buy me on the first try.) Really all I’m trying to say guys is- just be normal! Strike up a genuine conversation, and if you find out I’m dating someone, don’t put them down as a means to get on my good side!

And whatever you do- don’t listen to any of these guides!

http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-a-Girl

http://www.artofseductions.com/how-to-pick-up-girls/

http://www.pickupguide.com/

At a recent show I was discussing with a fellow band aide some of the realities we’ve learned over the year(s). That said, there are some simple facts about dating someone in a band you need to know:

1-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† If you never played an instrument in your life (and clarinet in 7th grade band for one semester doesn’t count,) you will learn more about set up, break down, amps, cables, mic stands, guitar picks, set lists, drum kits, recording‚Ķ.. than you ever wanted, needed, or cared to know.

2-      Groupies exist. Male, female, young, old, cover band or headliner- Groupies Exist

3-      The songs all sound the same after a while. You could hear your favorite song being played backwards and in Latin and you won’t realize something’s awry. They can change the order of the set, they can change the actual set, they can even change the genre of music they are playing- it all becomes the same after a while.

4-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† It‚Äôs not for the dependent. You will spend a lot of time alone. You will spend a lot of weekends at the end of a bar waiting for them to take a break so you get 5 mins of face time, and you will do it willingly and happily. More often than not you won’t even get those 5 minutes during the break, (they need to pee eventually!) and if you do, it will probably be taking shots with them at the bar before they go back on.

5-      It’s not for the Anti-social. Hand in hand with #4, because you are alone, people will approach you. They will think you’re single. They will try to pick you up and they will use really bad pick-up lines (more on this topic later!)

6-      You will learn to pace yourself. You are usually at the venue for 4 hours give or take. You are there earlier than everyone else for set up, and you are the usually the last ones to leave (after breakdown.) You learn to control the speed in which you check your Facebook and email accounts, the pace at which you people watch and even the pace at which you visit the powder room (you walk slower, pee slower, and check your lip gloss at least twice.)

7-      Oh, you’ll also learn to pace your alcohol consumption… because it will be plentiful. Nuff said-

8-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Forget being an early bird or morning person… Scratch that-¬†you will still get up early, but its undoubted you went to bed just 4 hours ago and are still trying to balance life. You will live off of coffee and energy drinks and you will never have a set schedule. Also remember that the world does not change its schedule when you do-¬†breakfast still ends at 10 a.m. at most places so if you want breakfast on Sunday morning at noon (the only day you get to sleep in) you will have to go somewhere that serves breakfast all day- McDonald’s is not one of them.

9-¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Your ear will tune to the instrument your significant other plays. Everything else will be white noise around it, and it will change the way you hear everything. You will be listening to Taylor Swifts new album with your girlfriend and while she’s belting out the words to the latest pop hit and you will¬†be thinking, the drum track on this song¬†is awesome!

10-   You will have the time of your life-  if you can handle it.